新年好！

This New Year is the same as a usual New Year but I came up with a New Year resolution today. That is “be cool”. I was depressed because a lot of nasty things occurred last year and I felt like I was so old. My life was being set back because of this negative thinking. Suddenly I think I will stop it!



I would reform my character. First I would change the costume to be cool. This might lead me mentally cool. I will try to straighten my back and to have confidence in myself. I will give full swing to it and straightly go to be a handsome woman.



The following is one of my reasons that I have decided this.



Um, I have an ex-boyfriend (He is a single and he has 3 children.). We haven’t disliked each other all time. After we broke up, we haven’t met each other for long but we started to meet about 5 years ago when he called me and asked me to visit me to give a bouquet for my birthday present. I allowed that. After that we met once or twice a year for just drinking.

Recently I got his e-mail. It said, “I is maybe too early but I will say “Good-Bye!” That was the caption so I thought that he got a new girlfriend. But he said that he had a cancer at his pancreas. A doctor said his life could last for one year. He told me that he would be hospitalized next day. I went and saw him in hospital, off course, but he seemed healthy and cheerful for me. It happened last May. He was keeping a positive attitude so I believed that he couldn't die. He said that he thought he would die at the end of that year. He sent an e-mail to let me know when I could go and see him before I went to hospital, or I sent an e-mail to him (KEITAI). The situation was like that.

One day I got an e-mail. He said that the doctor told him that he could be alive while that year but he thought that he would be alive until that summer. Since then, he has kept silence to me so I sent an e-mail to ask when I could go to hospital. He sent me and said, “Please wait!” Okay, he was struggling to fight against the cancer. I wait… but no answer so I sent an e-mail again but still no answer.

I thought that he hesitates that he reveals his bad situation (his bad physical appearance) for me. So I believe that he has been fighting against the cancer by himself. Now I believe that he still try to fight against his cancer somewhere, I mean in another hospital and some day he will call me to tell that he recovered completely!!! He is always positive for being alive.



I haven't received a birthday card from him and I haven't received a New Year card from him yet.



Death purifies everything and makes people who are left feel guilty.